IS THIS YOU?

Are You Surviving… or Are You Living?

You walk into work prepared. You answer the questions, lead the meeting, solve the problem, meet the deadline, and take care of whatever lands on your desk. People see you as poised, capable, accomplished, and in control.

And you are.

What most don't see are the eggshells you may have walked on before you ever walked through the office door.

In fact, work may be one of the few places where you still feel like you. Your opinion matters. People listen when you speak. You make decisions without wondering how someone will react. You're respected for what you know and what you contribute. For those few hours, you feel confident, valued, maybe even free.

Then your phone beeps.

You see the name, and before you've even read the message, your stomach tightens. What did I say? What did I do wrong? What did I forget? What am I walking into when I get home?

You carefully choose your response. You type something, delete it, rewrite it. You take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I've got this. Just breathe.” Then you put down the phone and walk into your next meeting.

No one knows how much energy it just took for you to appear okay.

When Did This Become Normal?

Maybe you would never use the words domestic violence to describe your life. You've never called the police. You're not hiding in a shelter or packing a bag to run away. Perhaps you've never even been physically hurt.

So you tell yourself, It's not that bad. He's under pressure. He has a temper. I know how to handle him.

Or maybe you've started questioning yourself. Am I too sensitive? Did I say something wrong? Maybe I should have handled it differently.

Little by little, you adjust yourself around someone else's reactions. You learn when to speak and when silence is easier. You know which subjects to avoid. You can feel the energy in the room before a word is spoken. You start making decisions based not only on what you want, but on how someone else might respond.

When you walk on eggshells long enough, eventually you stop seeing the eggshells.

You simply call it your life.

But is it?

Your Body May Be Telling the Story

You can become remarkably good at functioning while your body tells a different story. Anxiety, restless sleep, feeling jumpy, exhaustion, changes in appetite or weight—even menopause symptoms that suddenly feel harder to manage—may leave you wondering, “What is happening to me?”

Sometimes it’s worth asking a different question: It’s not always what you eat… but what’s eating at you?™ What are you holding in, swallowing down, or carrying every day just to keep the peace?

I often say, Listen to Your Body Talk™. Your mouth may say, “I’m fine.” Your life may look successful. But underneath it all, your body may be saying, “I’m exhausted from being on guard.”

And maybe that’s the signal worth listening to.

Who Do You Tell?

Sometimes what you crave most is one genuine, raw conversation.

A conversation where you don't have to edit yourself, minimize what happened, protect someone else's reputation, or pretend you're okay. You don't necessarily want someone telling you what to do. You just want somewhere you can finally say, “This is what my life really feels like.” But whom do you tell?

You're not running away. You're not looking for a shelter. Your life may look beautiful from the outside. You have responsibilities, a career, perhaps a home, children, financial comfort, vacations and photographs filled with smiles.

Everyone else may see the gold. You feel the bars.

I call this the Golden Cage.

The bars aren't always physical. They may be fear, shame, finances, children, family or cultural expectations, self-doubt, isolation, or the hope that tomorrow will somehow be different. So you keep things inside. You swallow the anger. Push down the sadness. Dismiss the fear. You say, “I'm fine,” because explaining the truth feels far more complicated. But suppressing emotions doesn't mean they simply disappear. Habitually pushing feelings away has been associated with greater psychological distress, and your body can still experience stress even when you've become very good at hiding it.

Maybe you aren't at the point of running away. But somewhere within you, you know this isn't living either.

Sometimes She Looks Remarkably Capable

This is something I want you to understand: the confident woman at work isn't fake. She is you, too.

Your competence is real. Your strength is real. And the fear you experience somewhere else can be real at the same time.

That's one reason emotional abuse and domestic violence can remain hidden. We expect someone who is suffering to look like she's suffering.

Sometimes she doesn't.

She may be the executive, physician, teacher, therapist, entrepreneur, mother, or colleague sitting beside you. She may be the person everyone else turns to when they need help.

Sometimes she doesn't look like a victim. Sometimes she looks remarkably capable.

And if this isn't you, perhaps you know her.

When Surviving Replaces Living

With the recent media attention and conversations surrounding domestic violence, we're once again talking about what happens behind closed doors. But we also need to talk about what a woman carries with her when she walks through every other door.

I was recently honored to contribute to a DomesticShelters.org article exploring the connection between domestic violence and suicide. I shared something that I believe deserves a much larger conversation: “Many victims do not necessarily want to die. They want the fear, emotional captivity, exhaustion and internal suffering to stop.”

There is an enormous difference between wanting life to end and desperately wanting the way you're living to end. Long before someone reaches that degree of hopelessness, the signals may have been there. Anxiety. Isolation. Constant apologizing. Self-doubt. Hypervigilance. Exhaustion. Losing interest in things that once brought joy. A woman becoming smaller and quieter while somehow continuing to accomplish everything expected of her.

Instead of asking only, “Why doesn't she leave?” perhaps we should ask: When did she stop feeling safe enough to speak? When did she begin doubting herself? How long has she been walking on eggshells? When did surviving become her normal?

And when was the last time someone looked beyond how well she was functioning and genuinely asked, “Are you okay?”

Coming Back to Yourself

Healing isn't about making you stronger. You may already be incredibly strong.

It's about helping you no longer need all that strength simply to get through another day.

Hypnotherapy cannot change another person's behavior, nor does it replace safety planning, medical care, or appropriate mental health treatment. But hypnotherapy and mind-body work can help calm heightened stress responses, uncover patterns that have become automatic, rebuild self-trust, and help you reconnect with the woman underneath all that surviving.

Not a new woman. You.

The woman who laughs without checking the room first. Who makes a decision without rehearsing how she's going to explain it. Who trusts what she feels. Who remembers what peace feels like. The woman who no longer confuses keeping the peace with having peace. Because appearing strong and feeling safe, free, and alive are not the same thing.

So I'll ask you again: IS THIS YOU?

Are you surviving… or are you living?

Isn't it time to HealWithin®?

Evoke what was. Embrace what is. Evolve to what will be -Because You Matter.

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